It was New Years Eve 2015, and Emerson was three days old. We had just been released from the hospital and had no idea what we were doing. After struggling to breastfeed in the hospital, Emerson still wasn’t latching and I was pumping and supplementing with formula just to get him enough food.
The nurses in the hospital made sure we knew how important it was not to overfeed the baby and that he should be eating about 10ML per feeding. We were so careful to feed him the 10 ML every two hours and not a drop more. By 11pm he was crying nonstop and he hadn’t peed in like 10 hours so we were freaking out. I called my Mom and asked her what could be wrong. She got on the computer and realized that we hadn’t been feeding him enough food and he should actually be eating three times what we were feeding him.
So many things were running through my head, how did I not know what to feed my baby? Did I ruin him forever? I am not ready to do this. I distinctly remember the clock turning to midnight and I was sitting on the phone bawling my eyes out to my mother.
I’m fortunate enough to have an amazing support system, Nick took Emerson and gave him a bottle and basically forced me to get some sleep (I had only slept about 10 hours in the last three days.) My mom reminded me that things are going to go wrong and that I can’t be perfect, all I can do is try my best.
I will always remember that night, but as traumatic as it felt I’m glad I had that experience. I learned that things will go wrong and as a first time parent I am going to make mistakes. All we can do as moms is try our best and love our child. I also think it’s important to share these stories with each other so we know we’re not crazy!
I would love to hear if you have a similar story! Comment and let me know.